The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
