bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
