it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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