Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
