I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
