I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
where are my eyebrows?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
