my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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