is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
