I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
