i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The air was thick with penises
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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