Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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