Where did you get a picture of my penis
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize