We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
