Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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