i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
