I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
