it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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