You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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