i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
