so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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