Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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