If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
