Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
