apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
How does one acquire holy water?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize