oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
