I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
