I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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