Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I love having hate sex.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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