i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
