I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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