Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
