Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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