in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
