my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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