Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
