I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
