How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
