i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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