so explain again why im purple
no
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He shit in the fireplace
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
