Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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