I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
