we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
