The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
