Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
