I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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