What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
