he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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