Dual....:-)
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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