shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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