nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
