O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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