He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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