thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
