If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
