i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
