i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
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