I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
