i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
