I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
