Heybabeimwearingurpanties
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
