This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I need to calm my uterus...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize