yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
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