i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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