you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
