At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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