So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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