i think my mom watched the whole time
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
