it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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