Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
