I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
