I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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