Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Ketchup is God's man juice
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
