my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
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