she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
