Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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