I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize