and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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