You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
