Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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