Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i came on her dog
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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